General · Listicle

11 actual conversations I’ve had with people.

So, I’ve been spending the whole week wondering about what I should write next. Some would call this a slump, but not me. Nuh-uh. To steal the words of Brooklynn Nine-Nine’s amazing detective/genius Jake Peralta:

I don’t slump, people. I opposite of slump. I pmuls. That’s slump backwards and it’s what I do. I pmuls all over this bitch.

Anyway, I’ve always thought that I have weird conversations with people. I run on dark humor, pop culture references that nobody gets, and arm chair philosophy. I have interesting conversations with friends and I’ve decided to torture you guys into reading them.

Note : To the people featured here who are reading this, I want you to know that you have an amazing friend. πŸ˜›

1. Gloria Gaynor ain’t got nothing on me.

Me: I’m not coming to work on Monday.

Friend: Why?

Me: I’m getting my eyes checked after a really long time. Because of the retina problem, remember?

Friend: Ah, okay.

Me: At first I was afraid

Friend: You were?

Me: I was petrified

Friend: OMG. BYE.

2. I swear I’m not a normal person.

Friend: I only cried at the end of When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi. I expected to cry more but I didn’t.

Me: I cried throughout. I read the book on the shuttle to work. There was some audible sniffling which made other commuters give me weird looks.

Friend: That’s great.

Me: Whut. I just said I cried.

Screenshot

3. People never get my references #1

Fellow commuter in a train (FCIT): The train is way too crowded these days.

Me: Yeah, we need a new plague.

FCIT: *mouth drops open* *looks judgemental*

I was just referring to The Office.

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Or was I? *winks*

4. The day my co-worker decided I was weird.

Co-worker: I’m going to make a parody video of Cheap Thrills by Sia.

Me: That’s so cool!

Co-worker: Yeah, do you have friends who are video editors?

Me: You should’ve stopped that question at “Do you have friends”.

Me: Haha!

Co-worker: Haha!

After a beat, the co-worker goes:

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5. People don’t get my references #2

Co-worker: Shruti, look at this video of a chocolate cake being made. Doesn’t it look delish?

Me: I want to go to there.

Co-worker: Huh?

Me: I want to go to there.

Co-worker: Wait, what?

Me: That was a 30 Rock reference, you peasant.

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6. You should hate the people I hate too.

Me: *showing a photo of someone I know* She’s the worst.

Friend: Oh yeah?

Me: Yes. We don’t like her.

Friend: “We”?

Me: Yup. I don’t like her and you shouldn’t, either. Despite the fact that you’ve never met her.

Friend: Have you ever considered therapy?

7. Impromptu Bohemian Rhapsody jams.

Co-worker: I’m bored. I need a break from work. Let’s do something!

Me: Is this the real life?

Co-worker: Oh no you didn’t. Should we?

Me: Is this just fantasy?

Co-worker: Damn it, I’m joining you.

Together: Caught is a landslide, no escape from reality.

20014

 

8. Buzzfeed quizzes are the gospel truth.

Friend: What are you smiling at?

Me: This Buzzfeed quiz is genius. It just guessed that I am “emotionally mature enough to appreciate walnuts, but that doesn’t mean [I] want them on [my] ice cream”

Friend: But, you don’t believe in God, astrology, or luck, correct?

9. I was sassy 4 years back, too.

Me: Sir, here’s the output my batch got for the “Design an amplifier” experiment.

Teacher: Your values are messed up. You do realize that your output values should be amplified, right?

Me: …

Teacher: You just wasted 2 hours on this. This amplifier will have no use in the real world.

Me: Actually, it is useful. You can use this as an example for bad amplifiers everywhere.

Said teacher went on to carry a grudge on me for the next 3 years of college.

10. Everyone is a peasant to me.

Me: How’s the kitchen hand doing?

Screenshot 2

11. Friends better get my pop culture references.

Me: Let me take a moment to remind you that it’s October 3rd. On October 3rd, he asked me what day it was. ❀

Friend: …

Me: If you did not get that, I swear to Tina Fey we cannot be friends anymore.

Friend: Wait, I know this. Ugh.

Me: WOMAN.

Friend: MEAN GIRLS! It’s Mean Girls, right?!

Me: Grool.

Friend: Phew, friendship saved.

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What did you think of this post? Let me know in the comments! πŸ™‚

~ Shruti

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33 thoughts on “11 actual conversations I’ve had with people.

  1. So many references! Funny funny. I got to the end and thought back to your description:
    I run on dark humor, pop culture references that nobody gets, and arm chair philosophy.
    Yup. πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 1 person

  2. #RELATABLE (get that superwoman reference ) *Kay Staaaahp, Anj* Everytime I make a reference to Harry Potter, nobody seems to get me and I’m here thinking Harry Potter is something universal. Can you not be so ignorant, peasant? *Anj doesn’t mean to be obnoxious but, sometimes, muggles can get really skeptical or feed on wrong Potter info, and then she feels like obliviating them for eating the wrong info up* πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ugh ignorant people who misunderstand references are the worst! Especially when it’s a Harry Potter one!

      Shruti presents her compliments to the listener, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of fandoms he doesn’t comprehend. Thank you very much.

      …obviously I have strong feelings about people messing up Harry Potter references.πŸ˜‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That. Was. A. Genius. Reference. I’m Sirius, Shruti. Potterheads can never go Ron. And we’ll Neville stop fangirling. After all this time? Always.

        That escalated quickly.

        Liked by 1 person

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